Healing the Parts of Us That Were Never Broken: Queer Shadow Work

Last week, I returned to The Circle, a secret place from my childhood that has become a symbolic gateway into my inner world. I was still arguing with myself—frustrated, confused—feeling almost tricked into coming back by a part of me I barely knew: Aslan, my connection with the Lover archetype.

“Will you walk this dark path once more? Will you return to the place where you exiled a part of us you were taught to feel was shameful?”

“But we’ve gone back there twice already,” I had argued.

“And now we have a choice to return again.”

And there it was again: we.

I lingered for a moment, thinking back to my last visit to my childhood bedroom closet. I first returned there in 2019 through EMDR—years after the moment that marked it.

A little boy—me—had realized he was attracted to another boy who was staying with our family. We had been lying next to each other on the floor, beside his sleeping bag, when his mother walked in.

“Oh, I know what you’re up to. You should be ASHAMED of yourself.”

She shook her head in disgust. And I disappeared.

It had taken me 43 years to return to that moment and find the boy who had hidden himself in that closet—full of fear, full of shame, full of silence.

As waves of grief surged through me, decades of shame, lies, and fear rose like sludge from the closet floor. It took what felt like an eternity before the pain began to fade and the waters ran clear.

And then, just as the darkness receded, I saw it:

A small hand.

Gripping the edge of the closet door.

There he was. The part of me I had long forgotten—but who had never forgotten me. A beautiful, doe-eyed little boy peering out from the shadows.

The Circle: A Place of Return

The Circle exists in my inner world as a reminder that even lost places can be revisited. Shadow Work is not just about uncovering wounds. It’s about reclaiming joy. Rediscovering what was left behind. And integrating all parts of ourselves—especially the ones we thought were lost forever.

Now I had a decision to make.

I may have freed that little boy from the exile of the closet, but where was he now?

Who had he become?

That’s why I needed to return again—to find him not as he was, but as he is. With one last glance at my shadow cast in The Circle’s moonlight, I took a deep breath… and stepped across the threshold.

Shadow Work and the Queer Experience

Shadow Work is always personal. But for LGBTQ+ folks, it often carries an added layer: the need to navigate shame, survival, and identity in a world that wasn’t always safe for us.

For many of us, the shadow is shaped by:

• The fear of being seen – a survival instinct from years of hiding.
  

• Internalized oppression – the messages we absorbed about what is “acceptable.”
  

• Unacknowledged pain – the wounds from those who claimed to love us, but couldn’t accept what we couldn’t even admit to ourselves.
  

Our shadows are not just individual—they are cultural, collective, and often intergenerational.

The Shadow of Shame & the Light of Self-Acceptance

I’ve been sharing pieces of my own Journey Through the Shadows for a few years now. My healing path has wound through EMDR, Internal Family Systems, Ego States work, and now Shadow Work.

Each approach has helped me reveal new depths in old wounds. And with each return, I feel less afraid—not because it’s easy, but because it’s right.

I’ve yet to meet a queer person who didn’t, at some point, have to suppress a part of themselves just to be accepted… or to survive.

Shadow Work isn’t about eliminating our darkness.

It’s about integrating it—so we no longer live under its weight.

For LGBTQ+ Individuals, Shadow Work Often Means:

• Recognizing the shame we’ve adopted

• Naming the wounds we carry

• Choosing self-love as an act of resistance

LGBTQ+ Shadow Work Resources

If you want to explore these themes further, here are a couple of voices to check out:

• “Uncovering Pride: Exposing the Shadow of My Shame” – Blog entry by Kevin Shoop
  A raw and powerful reflection on queer identity and healing.
  

• “Shadow Work: LGBTQ+ Edition” – Book by Callie Parker
  A thoughtful, practical guide to healing through a queer lens.
  

Let’s Connect

If this post stirred something in you—if there’s a part of yourself waiting to be remembered, rescued, or reclaimed—I’d be honored to walk with you.

I offer coaching, courses, and conversation around shadow work, trauma healing, and queer mental wellness.

Drop a comment, reply, or send a message. Let’s talk about this journey—together.